Naruto Uzamaki and Aburme Shino: A Pimps Tale
by Corncracker
Summary: Crack Fic: OOC. The ultimate battle of the pimps.
1. Chapter 1

The Idea started after seeing the Naruto Deleted Scenes animation at newgrounds. Naruto decides to become a pimp, and squares off against the Animes biggest pimp. And here it is.

Chapter 1: Uzamaki Naruto: Pimp of Kohona.

One day Kakashi decides to hold a special training session since his team hadn't been together for a while. The attack on Kohona by sand and sound was a little over a weak now. Though that training session was the weirdest one Kakashi had ever witnessed.

"Wow! You're here on time!" said Sakura as Kakashi arrived.

"Thats not a good sign, somethings going to go wrong today," replied Sasuke.

"What could possibly go wrong?" asked Kakashi smiling through his mask. However he wished he hadn't said anything. What happened next would scar Takashi's psyche for the rest of his life.

"What up," said Naruto dressed in a purple suite, 2 inch elevater shoes, and a purple pimp hat with a feather.

"What the hell are you doing?" screamed Sakura.

"Looks good, but has a bit of a personality problem. Nothing that I can't fix," Naruto said Eyeing Sakura.

"Naruto, don't look treat Sakura like that Baka," Sasuke said in a cold and distant voice that said 'I care and want to say it, but don't want you to realize it".

"Shut up," Naruto responded, "She's my ho now, besides. Your gay anyway," and with that Naruto snapped his fingers and walked off. Sakura followed naruto quite confused and thinking, _Its happening just like in my dreams!_ Sasuke only turned bright red thinking _How did he find out?_

Naruto walked through the training grounds and saw Hinata waiting, "Stay here," he told Sakura. She listened as NAruto walked up to Hinata, who turned bright red and was very confused after looking at what her Naruto-kun had become.

"N-naruto-Kun!" Hinata said startled.

"Hey Hinata, I need me some more ho's, You look nice. Come on," Naruto said. Hinata was so surprised she didn't know what to do.

"Shut it Uzamaki," said Shino walking up to him. Hinata was very relieved Shino came to her side, "Hinata's my ho," what little relief Hinata had just left her.

"Um..." Hinata tried to talk, but thats all she could muster.

"Kohona's not big enough for two pimps Aburme," replied Naruto.

"We're both new so I propose a contest," said Shino, "First we'll get one more ho each, then we compare to see who did better. Winner takes all ho's and title "Pimp of Kohona."

"Deal, we will compare in one weeks time. We meat here Aburme," said Naruto giving Shino his pimp gaze before walking off. They both left with their respective "Ho's" following behind with no one except for NAruto and Shino having any Idea whats going on.

Next update will be the gathering and judging of the ho's. Who will Naruto and Shino pick? R&R pleaze.


	2. Chapter 2

Out of the three reviews I got I never excpected this story to be so enjoyed. So Now I bring you the latest chapter of A pimps tale.

Chapter 2: Naruto and Shino's new ho's.

Naruto had strolled down the streets of Kohona. He then viewed his first target. Yamanako Ino, "Hey babe," said Naruto cooly.

Ino just stopped and gaped. She hadn't excpected this. Naruto looked like a pimp, and she found it strangly attractive as she started to blush, "Hi Naruto."

"I'm looking for some ho's. You got you a nice rack goin on," then Naruto just snapped his fingures. Ino was shocked. Her? A ho? She reached out to slap Naruto but noticed Sakura following behind.

"Is Fore head Girl here one of your ho's?" asked Ino.

"Yeah, but don't insult my girls. It could hurt business, so you in?" Naruto asked Cooly.

_I can't let that ugly forehead girl show me up! _Ino thought, "Alright, I'm in," She proceeded to stick her tounge out at Sakura, who was growing more and more confused.

_Ino is doing this willingly? What does that mean? _Sakura thought.

_Doesnt matter! Forget what this is about, are you going to let that Ino-Pig Show you up! _Shouted Inner Sakura.

"You know what Ino, I'm sick of thinking you can beat me. This will settle it once and for all!" yelled Sakura.

"Yeah, all of our fights will be decided by one thing," retorted Ino.

"I will be a better ho than You!" they shouted in unison.

"Shut up," said Naruto in his stern pimp voice, "I'm going to need something bit to prove I am the pimpest pimp in Kohona. For that I will need something esle to top Shino. Any Ideas?" Naruot asked his ho's.

"Well, there is always the Ayame, that Ramen waitress," said Sakura.

"And don't forget Ten Ten," said Ino.

"Well lets get to work, our First stop Icharuka Ramen," Naruto snapped his fingers, and with a Ho on each arm entered the Ramen shop.

Shino had formulated a plan to advance his pimp hood. He wouldn't limit himself to Kohona Nins, he was out to get a more exotic crowd of Ho's. So his first logical stop was to get one of the most wanted female Kunoichi of all times, Sabuko No Temari. He left Hinata home, he needed her to rest. Couldn't have his ho's tired for his and Naruto's Pimp Off.

He quickly met with Resistance though. HE walked up the the Hokage tower of Sand only to meat Kankuro, "So Shino, what business do you have in sand?"

"I'm here for Temari. Move," said Shino in his usual pimpin voice.

"What do you need my sister for?" asked Kankuro, readying Karasu.

"Move," said Shino raising his right hand above his left shoulder to preform his most famous technique, a move he spent his entire life perfecting. The Pimp Slap. He sent the back of his hand into the side of Kankurous head sending him into a wall, knocking him out.

Shino continued to walk up the tower and cooly walked into Temari's room, "What the hell are you doing here?" she said, not expecting to see the guy who beat Kankuro during there invasion of Leaf, "is leaf mounting a counter strike?"

"No, this is business," said Shino.

"Well what does leaf want with me?" asked Temari, growins suspicious of his motives.

"Its not leaf, its me. I need to get some Ho's and you're the best person to come to," he cooly replied.

"What is that suppose to mean?" asked Temari pissed off thinking Shino was implying something.

"You're the most wanted Genin in the land, having you would improve my Pimp power," replied Shino, "Besides, everyone knows most sand guys smell, so come with me."

Temari, though still slightly upset liked the prospect of getting out of sand to meat men, cause as Shino said, the smelled, "I would, but it would be considered abandoning the village, you got any ideas for that one smart guy?"

"Article five subsection six of the village of the hidden sand, and I quote, 'All Female Ninja of our village will be allowed to leave without resistance if they leave becoming the Ho of a pimp' I did my homework," Shino replied with a bit of pride in his voice, happy for his achievement.

"Alright them but who esle do you have?" she asked.

"Hyuuga Hinata, but I think its best to get more, I'm in a Pimp off against Naruto and need to gather the best Ho's in the land," Shino said.

"I got it, Lets go to Hidden sound, theres chick there I think would be perfect for you," Temari smiled as she left Hidden sand, now the proud Ho of Shino.

Here ends chapter 2. Tune in next time when they attempt to increase there forces for the ultimate Pimp Off.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, Now is time for Chapter three of A pimps tale. Shino heads off to Hidden sound while Naruto will try to obtain the Ramen Girl Ayame to join his jolly band of ho's.

"Clear out people, I got business here," Naruto said.

Some random guy in the crowd yelled, "Shut up, were trying to eat our food!" Naruto walked up to him and picked him up by the collor and threw him out the window.

"Anyone else have food to eat?" Naruto asked as the people ran from the bar.

"Whats the meaning of this?" yelled Ayame, "you just scared off our customers."

"As I said I'm here on business. And that business is you," Naruto cooly stated.

"If you don't explain what this is about soon I'm going to hurt you," Ayame said.

"I'm Kohona's newest pimp and I need to gather some ho's. Since you're a nice peace of work I wanted you to come with me," Naruto said using his pimp smile.

"What?" asked Ayame, wondering what was going on.

"She just knows she can't compete with me," smiled Ino.

"Yeah right, she's obviously scared of me," Sakura stated.

"Are you serious, you two?" Ayame started to laugh "Please I'm way sexier than either of you two."

"Then come with us, our best will be decided as soon as Me and Shino gather our forces," said Naruto.

"Fine, it's a deal, but only if you can convince the boss. He most likely won't unless you can convice him its benificial to the business," Ayame said thinking there was no way the boss would allow something like this. Naruto then went straight into the main office.

"Whats the meaning of this?" he said.

"I want Ayame to be my ho, you got a problem with that?" Naruto said giving his scary pimp stare to the boss.

"Yeah I do, she's my best waitress, and people think she's hot. How else do you think I get so many customers?" said the boss, unaffected by the pimp stare.

"How about this them, I take her and in return you will get the condolence of me, soon to be the Official pimp of Kohona."

"Thats a bit of a risk, seeing as how I heard that the other pimp, Shino I believe, is the favorite. I have my underground channels and no whats going on. He already has possibly the best person he could get his hands on, what makes you think you can win?" he asked, thinking he had one.

"Quite simple, I got an ace up my sleeve that he doesn't. My next ho will be none other than Anko," Naruto smiled. He knew of the boss's obsession with Anko. He would connect his name to anything Anko related, regardless of it was a sure thing or not.

"Really? As soon as you get her, Ayame is all yours," He said happily.

"Pleasure doing business with you," Naruto said as he walked out.

"So how did it go," Ayame said smiling.

"As soon as I get Anko, I'll be back for you," Naruto said leaving. Ayame was worried, if he got Anko she would have to be his ho. This was not a very good day.

Shino and Temari had just arrived at sound. The gaurds didn't even try to stop them for some reason, but that didn't phase them. It only made their lives easier. The found Kin in the middle of the street and Shino walked over to her, "I need some ho's, you in?" he asked cooly.

"Of course, you managed to kick Zaku's but badly and killed that annoying Ego he had," she said.

"Hold it right there Aburame," said Orichimaru coming up, "This is my village and my rules. The only way your taking Kin is to beat me in a smack talking contest. Fire freak."

"Go Crawl back under the rock you slithered out of," Shino Shot.

"Why don't you run home and take care of your bug collection geek," orichimaru said.

"Give up and start acting your age oldy."

"At least I can get some unlike you buggy."

"Little boys don't count Jackson," that did it. Orichimaru stormed off really pissy since he couldn't come up with anything that good.

"Wow, that was low!" Cheered Kin happily, "Consider me your loyal ho, so whats first?"

"We return to leaf to recruit another, my old sensei Kurenai," and with that Shino returned with his new ho's to capture the elusive Kurenai.


	4. Chapter 4

Well, Its finally here, the Long awaited Chapter four of A Pimps Tale!

Chapter 4

Naruto had searched diligently and it finally paid off. Strolling for the forest he ran into his target, Anko, "Yo sista, I'm going to need you," Naruto said.

"Ah, that little boy I cut at the exams, what do you want?" Anko said smiling.

"I'm on a search for ho's. I'm goin to need you," Naruto said.

"The only way I'd let you be my pimp is if you could prove to me your pimp skills," she said smiling, positive that NAruto had no pimping abilites, "who do you have already?"

"The best," Naruto replied cooly.

_Wow, he's not to bad at this, _Anko thought, _But there is sill one more test. _

"Hm, what if I were to start mouthing off to you pimp-boy?" Anko smiled Defiantly. Naruto walked right up to her, brought his right hand up with the palm facing Anko and slapped her.

"Wow, that one mean !#$ slap you got there," she said holing the side of her face. He had a better !#$ slap than anyone she knew, It could rival the !#$ slaps of even the most famous of Pimps.

"So what'll it be?" Naruto asked.

'Fine, but I'm taking 70 of my earnings" Anko smiled.

"Forget it, You'll get the average Ho salery, 10," Naruto replied Irritated.

"But you need me, don't you? Or do you think Shino needs me more?" she said, her smirk becoming slightly evil.

"But what makes you think I need you that much?" asked Naruto, trying to make it seem like she wasn't needed.

"Because, I like the color of blood," she said pulling out a Kunai and pointing it at Naruto.

"Fine, but only on the condition you tell everyone its 10," Naruto said, managing to hold his cool.

"You got a deal," smiled Anko, with that the two of them went back to the village, and Naruto was happy he left the other two at the Ramen stand. When they got there Ayame was fighting with Sakura and Ino about who was sexier. Naruto just snapped his fingers and the fighting stopped.

"You got her!" cried the boss with merriment, "Ayame is all yours."

"I'll prove to you two I'm way hotter than you!" Ayame yelled in anger.

"Quiet down ho's. He need one more," Naruto said smoothly, "And I'll get the biggest chested chick in Kohona. I'll go this alone, you wait here," and with that Naruto walked off to the Hokage tower to precure his final Ho, none other than the Hokage herself.

"Kiba," Said Shino looking right at his teammte.

"What is it... whats with all the hot chicks?" yelled Kiba suddenly noticing the crowd of Kunoichi following behind Shino.

"I'm a pimp, and I need to find Kurenai," replied Shino.

"Sh!t!" said Kiba, "Now I owe Shikamaru five bucks, last time I make a bet against him."

"Just tell me where Kurenai is," stated Shino firmly.

"She's training in training area 3, just as a tip Kurenai..." Kiba whispers something in Shino's ear. Shino lifted his head slightly so you could see his mouth and he smirked, "Good luck man."

Shino walked off to training ground 3 and looked at Kurenai, "Yo, I'm here to recruit you as a ho."

"What?" Kurenai said in a low scary voice.

"Kiba told me about last summers affair," Shino said, "And I don't think you would want all Kohona to know you," he walked over to Kurenai and whispered in her ear, "Here going out with Gai."

"You wouldn't!" exclaimed Kurenai.

"Do you believe that?" questioned Shino.

"Fine, I'll do it," sighed Kurenai, "At least its an alright Job. At least I get some money."

"Good, I'll go to the Hokage tower now. There's a certain person there that I want to get before the Pimp off begins," Shino said as he went off to the Hokage tower alone to obtain his final ho, Shizune.

Well here is the next chapter, please R&R.


	5. Chapter 5

I'd like to thank everyone for giving me all those good reviews. Surpriseingly no one has mentioned that in the title I spelled Naruto's full name the english way, Naruto Uzamaki and Shino's the Japanese way, Aburame Shino. So here is chapter Five.

Chapter Five.

Naruto and Shino stood at the doorway to the Hokage tower giving each other glares.

"Uzamaki," said Shino.

"Aburame," replied NAruto.

"I hope your not here for Shizune," said Shino.

"Tsunade is my targetIF ," replied Naruto.

"Hm," said Shino.

"Hn" replied Naruto. The two simply glared at each other, not willing to give in to the others pimp glare. They were surprised by each others skills and silently called a truce until the final event. They walked into the tower together with all of their pimpness creating such a powerful pimp Aura together that not even the ANBU would stop them for questioning.

The two pimps arrived at the Hokages office and Naruto kicked down the door, "Yo, we got some business."

"What the hell do you want?" screamed Tsunade.

"We're on a Ho-hunt," replied Naruto, "and I'm here for you."

"What about me?" angrily asked Shizune.

"You're my prime target," said Shino looking at her.

"What makes you think that I'll let you take Shizune?" asked Tsunade.

"One, its her choice not yours," said Shino in his threataning pimp voice which even got to Tsunade a little, "and Shizune, you'll get the opprotunity to prove that you are the superior pupil of Tsunade, as Naruto has Sakura in his ranks."

Shizune's eyes flared at that, "That it, I'm with you Shino. I'll show that Sakura what for."

"Oh Jesus," said Tsunade, "Shizune! How could you be so easily detered."

"And I can show you," said Naruto, "How to get Jiriaya off your back."

"I'm in!" Tsunade said quickly.

Naruto walked up and whispered to her, "Jiriaya can't be near women who wear Obsession, that perfume makes him physically ill."

"Thats it?" asked Tsunade stupidly, "I agreed to find that out? Of all the stupid... OH well, as long as it works."

"Now you ho's will meet us tomorrow at the fifth training ground, me and Shino need to discuss the terms of the Pimp off in private," Naruto smirked as the two left the room.

"What do you have planned?" asked Shino.

"We'll discuss the type of Pimp off. I suggest we pair off the Ho's. One from my list and one from yours, and We'll get one judge for each pairing based on attitude and looks. Thats how we will find the victor," Naruto said.

"Sounds good," Said Shino, "But our pimp skills need to be judged as well. Each Pairing will be scored as one point, and our skills will win us one point a field. The pimp slap!#$ slap, demeanor, and persuasive skills."

"You got a deal," smiled Naruto.

"Lets discuss the pairings," said Shino. He took a paper out of the Hokages desk and wrote this out.

Naruto's Ho's.Shino's Ho's

1. SakuraHinata

2. InoTemari

3. AyameKin

4. AnkoKurenai

5. TsunadeShizune

"Since Shizune has her own rivalry with Sakura," said Shino, "I say we let those two pair off."

"True, now who will Judge them? Orichimaru?" asked Naruto.

"No, he prefers little boys to women, not a very good ho Judge," said Shino.

"Good point, how about Kiba?" asked Naruto.

"Alright, then," said Shino.

"Since we all know Temari and Ino like Shikamaru, I say we pair them with Shikamaru as the judge," said Naruto.

"Good choice," Shino said, "Then lets go Anko and Kurenai, since they both seem to have exotic qualities."

"If by exotic you mean blood thirsty for one of them yes, but the Judge?" asked NAruto.

"Lets get Gai, he needs a part in this," Shino said.

"Right," Naruto Replied, "So lets now pair Ayame and Kin. We'll make Choiji the Judge."

"Good pairing but not the Judge, Ayame serves Choiji Ramen, I say Jiraiya," shino said.

"We will be sure he'll give a thorough evaluation," said Naruto.

"That leaves..." Shino couldn't believe the last pairing.

"Tsunade and Hinata," Naruto finished surprised. Neither could quite comprehend this one.

"You realize that if people know we chose the pairings they will think we lack pimping skills," said Shino.

"We tell them it was random," and both nodded.

"That still leaves us needing a Judge," Shino said.

"Kankurou?" asked Naruot.

"We'll keep him on standby," said Shino, "We'll leave the vote to the Audience, (AKA the readers.)"

"I think we profesional enough to evaluate eachothers pimping ability," Said NAruto, "So lets go."

The two nodded nodded and prepared for the final bout.

(For the ending Score Sheet in the Pimp off, the Pimp skills will be marked by an X under the name of that Catagories winner. The Pimp skills are the Pimp Slap, the !#$ Slap, Demeanor and Persuasive Skills. The Pimp slap is when you backhand a Non-ho, the !#$ slap is when you use the front of your hand to slap a ho to keep them in Check. Demeanor being the way the pimp holds themselves , the pimps Persuasive skills in bargaining and gaining Ho's. Next up is the Ho-off segmant, where the two pimps will present there Ho's and Argue their Validity to the Judges. After the debates are over for all the Ho's the judges desision will be reached. Including the last one, which will be Tsunade Vs. Hinata, which you will vote on After the cases have been argued. In case of a tie or lack of votes, the winner will be Chosen By Kankurou, meaning the one I want to win anyway.)

Pimp off Schedule

JudgeNarutoShino

Pimp Skill Evaluation

Pimp slapN/A

!#$ SlapN/A

DemeanorN/A

PersuasiveN/A

Ho-Off

Sakura Vs. ShizuneKiba

Ino Vs. TemariShikamaru

Anko Vs. KurenaiGai

Ayame Vs. KinJiriaya

Tsunade Vs. HinataReaders

Total:

With the Pimp off coming to an end, who will emerge the Victor, Remember not to vote until after the Ho off starts. Next Chapter will be the Pimp Skill Evaluation, so the Chapter after that, chapter Six, the Ho off will start. The winner will finally be revealed in Chapter Seven.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you again for your support, and as for The Rebel Goddess, I have no idea what you were talking about but decided to take it as a compliment. Anyway, here comes Chapter six, the start of the Pimpoff and a public service announcement.

Orichimaru: Hello out there. In this story there was a lot of fun poking fun at child molestation, but I have been thoroughly offended. Not only are these allegations not true, plus not appropriate for any younger viewer, who are welcome to come visit my village, for I have candy and will train you.

Voice of a young child behind a door: Don't believe him! Get me out of... Orichimaru kicked the door

Orichimaru: Don't make me not water you again! Um, I mean, Umm... Nothing happened! IT was an illusion, you are sleeping, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Tries sounding ghostly)

Chapter Six

"So its time," said Naruto calmly as everyone stood in the arena where the third Exam had taken place.

"It is," said Shino.

"We start with the evaluation," said KAkashi, "I will be the host. First test your pimp slaps on eachother, Naruto, you are first."

Naruto walked over to Shino, brought up his right hand and backhanded Shino. Shino barely flinched and looked at Naruto, returning the Pimp Slap. Naruto felt it hard and flew back a good distance scraping against the ground.

"No contest," said Shino.

"This round is yours Aburame, but next is mine," smiled NAruto getting back up.

"Looks like thats one for Shino," said Kakashi, "Now lets rate the !#$ Slap. I have selected one ho from each side, and you will each !#$ slap the one from your side, so we don't violate pimp code number 6, never !#$ another pimps Ho. Naruto will be !#$ slapping Sakura, and Shino will get Tsunade."

Naruto walked up to Sakura who said, "Listen Naruto, if you slap me I swear I'll..." and before she could finish the sentence, Naruto delivered a powerful front hand slap to Sakura's face. There was a sharp Echo that all could here, and Sakura only said, "Sorry big daddy."

Naruto turned and gave his cool pimp smile at Shino, who had a few beads of sweat. That was the best !#$ slap he ever witnessed. The sharp echo showed the form, and the way it put someone like Sakura in her place meant it had great authority. Shino only hoped his would suffice. He walked over to Tsunade.

"Listen up, you can't do that to me, I'm the..." and Shino quickly slapped Tsunade across the face but didn't get the desired result, "If I wasn't your ho you would be so screwed right now," and in addition the sound of his slap was more blunt than anything, not sharp like Naruto's.

"Well played NAruto," said Shino. NAruto only smiled now that the score was tied.

"Well, it seems even so far. For the Demeanor portion, we will look at the pimps as they are. Shino was the natural serious shrug. It seems to eminate command, and the style of his clothes is definatley cool, worthy of pimpness. And the added bonus is the sunglasses, a neccessity for any cool glare. However there is a lack of color, while not required of a pimp it definately leaves an impression. Now look at Naruto. The bright colors of his purple hat and orange suit difinately fight the pimp bright color style, but do clash a little. Also he doesn't hold himself as pimpin as Shino. But since this is based on your guys agreeing on the winner of this point what do you say?" Kakashi looked at the two Shinobi.

They both eyed eachother up and down, exchanging various pimp looks, trying to psyce out the other. This went on for a good thirty minutes until NAruto says, "This point is yours Aburame."

No one beside those two really new how they reached the conclusion, but before questions were asked Kakashi continued hosting, "Lets now look at the persuasive skills of these two by looking at there previous accomplishments. We'll start with SHino.

HE already had Hinata, so she doesn't count. The second Ho on his roster was Temari. To get her he used a simple technique and appealed to her interests by offering her a selection of men that didn't smell, simple yet effective. Then came Kin. No persuasion was used, only a competion so there was no show of his persuasive skills, only smack talking, which is part of Demeanor so doesn't apply here. Next came Kurenai, who was simply black mailed, a classic and effective pimp tactic. Finally came Shizune, whom he convinced to join simply because she would oppose her masters other student, again a classic and efective tactic.

Now Naruto. He nabbed Sakura using his forceful persuasion, which she gave into without a fight. This shows his dominering persuasive powers. Then came Ino, no one really knows how he got her. Then was Ayame the Ramen Girl. The persuasion didn't involve her directly, but here current employer. Naruto promised an additional Ho and took the risk of getting neither her nor Anko, who he promised the Boss he would get. He persuaded her with his awsome pimp powers, along with other bargaining that we are not allowed to discuss. This is the first time in pimp history such a daring bargain was made, and it paid off getting NAruto his two new ho's. Tsunade was quite simple, he just gave here a method to avoid a certain man. We turn to the contestants for the verdic."

"I conceed Uzamaki," said Shino bitterly.

"Now we go to our final round, since this segment ends in a Tie we will have them present there ho's in the much anticipated Ho Off!" said Kakashi so that all could here, "first round will be Sakura Vs. Shizune. This is how this will work. First Naruto will present the good qualities of his how, then Shino will counter. Then Shino will present his ho and NAruto will deliver a counter argument. Time will then turn to the Judge. So let the first round begin."

Naruto walked into the center of the arena with Sakura and began his presentation, "I'll start with sakura's hair. She is the only Shinobi in the land with Pink hair, making here an exotic choice. Also her fiery attitude will make for an always exciting time."

Shino walked up and delivered his counter argument, "But she lacks a very important aspect of being a ho, and thats looks. Her boobs and but are below average, as she herself had admitted before. Also, no one likes a big forehead, the glare could blind a man ruining the experiance. Also, she is devoted to Sasuke, so won't give anyone else a second look for she is an idiot. No one wants some one that stupid."

"What the hell was that!" yelled Sakura, but NAruto slapped her agian, "sorry big daddy."

Shino then brought out Shizune, "Every man has a nurse fantasy, and Shizune is the one to fill that being a medical nin. Also, she is quite sexy and determined. Devotion to what she does is a key quality in her.

"True, but she seems to have a the same problem as Sakura, no boobs for her age. In additon she also had needles, which no man likes, and poison breath, a definate turnoff.

After Naruto's argument all eyes turned to Kiba, "Well, Shizune definatley has a cuter face and no forehead issues. Plus her boobs and but are quite nicer than Sakura's, and Nurses are Sexy. Also Sakura is scary, so Shizune wins by a landslide."

"I should kill you!" screamed Sakura, but for a third time Naruto slapped her, "sorry big daddy."

"Now lets go to the second round," said KAkashi, "Ino and Temari."

Naruto came up with Ino, "To start with she is blonde, a hair color loved by most. Here boobs have a nice size and a nice firm booty, but still able to be out there. I take pride in knowing that as far as ho's go, there are really no problems with Ino."

Shino came up with his rebutle, "While she has no noticeable problems, there is nothing that stand out with here. While she is quite hot, there is nothing about her that excells, she is simply an upgraded Sakura."

Shino then brought his ho up, "I give you Temari. Of all the Ninja in the land, she definately has the sexiest and fullest legs. Her other qualities are the chest, which is definately a near perfect size and shape, and she pulls off a hair style that most have never even considered, the quad pony tail."

NAruto walked up and simply said, "I can't argue this one," and walked away.

Now was time for SHikamaru to choose, "Temari, she's less annoying, therefore less troublesome. Plus if she is ever attacked I wouldn't have to help since she's strong."

Naruto was getting nervous. He was behind two now, and needed to clean sweep the rest of this competion to win. Kakashi quickly announced the next round, "Anko and Kurenai."

Naruto got a burst of Confidence as he presented the next ho, "This is Anko. Physically she has a great figure, and boobs and but that are undeniably nice. In additon, she has an apparent wild side that anyone can see. She is one to take control and make sure she gets the job done."

Shino came up and said, "However she has a bit of a sadistic attitude, which most find quite disturbing."

Gai stood up and said, "Shino, all guys like a little suffering. Anko! You are my dream girl, You win my youthful heart!"

"But I havn't even told you of the exotic quality of Kurenai's red eyes," Interupted Shino, who knew it was pointless. He wouldn't change Gai's mind after hearing that.

"Alright," said Kakashi who, though we would never admit it, agreed with Gai, "the next match is Ayame and Kin."

NAruto knew Shino was nervous so went forward without hesitation, "Here we have Ayame, the one and only Ramen Girl. Her long brown hair, here loving eyes, and here sexy form are enough to make a grown man cry. Also she had plenty of experience waiting on your every desire."

"But little is known of her," said Shino, "going with a ho you know nothing about is taking an unnessesary gamble."

Then Kin came down and Shino began his presentation, "Here we have Kin. An exotic kunoichi that comes from sound. The allure of getting with the enemy is something all men wish to do, especially when their enemy looks like this."

"But Kin, as you said, is the enemy. It is obvious that she wouldn't be to fond of anyone outside sound, as she follows Orichimaru. And since, for obvious reasons, Orichimaru won't hit on her she can work free of unwanted sexual harasment. So it's a little suspicous why she would want to come with you," said NAruto stretching it quite a bit.

"Well," said Jiraiya, "While they both inspire me to write, whats better than inspiration with Ramen? Ayame it is," Ayame wasn't sure if that was a good thing coming from that guy.

"Agian, it is all tied up," Said Kakashi getting really interested, "It all lies in the last round. Tsunade Vs. Hinata."

Both Naruto and Shino were nervous. This final round would determane the future. Naruto stepped up keeping his cool pimp pose, "Tsunade is an excelent ho for many reasons, The first being that no one in all the lands has bigger Jugs. With here your getting some definate bounce. Also, she likes getting drunk, and men love an easy one with a drunk chick."

"However," replied Shino smuggly, "regardless of what she looks like she is old at around fifty, in addition she looks far older underneath. Here skin looks like that of a ninety year old, and no one likes oldies, especially when they are just plain violent like her."

NAruto new Shino had a point, but had his own plan to bring Hinata down. Shino walked in with Hinata and began, "Hinata, under that large coat she wheres, has a very curvy figure, without any part looking fat. She is very slim and under the right conditions very determined. She has many habits, all of which have a certain level of appeal from the stutter to the finger movements she is so well known for. Being an heiress also adds more appeal, and on top of it all she has the most exotic eyes of any women in any Shinobi village."

"But in all that lies a serious flaw," smiled Naruto, "She is shy beyond all recognition. To get her to do anything a ho needs to do would be like pushing a cow off a railroad track, far to troublesome as Shikamaru would put it."

"And now its time to vote," said KAkashi, "Around Monday or Tuesday voting will close, possibley Wednesday. The ultimate Pimp off will be decided.

Don't forget to vote, I already know who I want to win, but its still up to you. Thanks for all the good reviews, and I found it quite fun to slap Sakura, I really don't like her.


	7. Intermission

Something was pointed out to me. Tsunade is Naruto's pimp, not Shino's. So as a little pre-pimp off story, here is the explanation for why that happened, note that this is only to make me not look stupid for the screw up and didn't have this pre-planned, in addition to something I just realized. They agreed to find one ho each, so this will also cover the secret never before read telepathic messages of the two pimps.

Pimp intermission.

It had been two days since the incident with naruto becoming a pimp and calling Sasuke gay. He needed revenge, because not only has his psyce been severly damaged, but his latest volume of Icha Icha paradise was full of articles on the pimps, and less of the juicy story he had been loving so much. For that they must pay, and he would do so by ruining their pimp reputations by making them brake a pimp rule. Kakashi new well of the rules for he used to be Yondames ho. He wished to forget that incedent forever by getting a few operations, but Naruto had ruined this by becoming a pimp hi self. Kakashi new what he must do and found Sasuke.

"Sasuke, I need your help," said KAkashi.

"To get revenge on Naruto? Of Course! He revealed my secret!" he said angrily.

"You are gay? I thought that was just smack talk?" replied Kakashi.

"Thats not the point!" yelled Sasuke.

"Right, but we need to make a Jutsu to make someone else look like another," siad Kakashi.

"I've got it. I'll impersanate a ho, and use it on Kurenai so she looks like Tsunade, but you'll have to dispell the Jutsu and make it since I'm to weak to think up a Jutsu good enough. Thankfully I was able to invent the whose ho belongs to who no Jutsu which prodicted everyone's ho's based on them and the ho's they currently had," said Sasuke.

"Excelent, I see you made that Jutsu so you could plan revenge?" asked Kakashi who was proud of his student.

"Actually I used it to see if any of them would get some man ho's, which they didn't hence why I now want revenge," said Sasuke clenching his fists and smiling an evil smile.

"Um..." Kakashi couldn't find the words.

"Lets pretend that never happened," replied Sasuke.

"Agreed, now I think I have a Jutsu for it," replied Kakashi with an evil voice as he wispered something in Sasukes ear. The two laughed maniacly together as Kakashi kept his eye on Sasuke making sure he didn't try anything funny.

(This part takes place in the minds of NAruto and Shino after they get there second ho's)

Naruto: Well, it would seem that two ho's is insufficient for a pimp.

Shino: Agreed.

Naruto: What the hell? Shino?

Shino: Yes?

Naruto: What the hell are you doing in my mind?

Shino: This isn't your mind, it's the PimpScape.

NAruto: Whats the PimpScape?

Shino: When the pimps of the pimpoff have doughts about how the pimpofff is currently going, their minds are temporaliy moved to the Pimpscape, that way they can discuss the changes.

Naruto: Wow, the guy who invented Pimping really thougth this stuff out thouroughly.

Shino: Indeed.

Naruto: So what should the changes be?

Shino: Three more ho's each should suffice.

Naruto: Agreed.

And with that their minds returned from the PimpScape.

(To the day of the Pimp off)

Sasuke had infultarted the area the Ho's were gathered in and did the hand seals Kakashi taught him. HE touched Kurenai's back, but Sasuke also chanted "Readers and !#$". This Jutsu created an Illusion that only effected Kurenai and the Readers. Any time that Kurenai was said the readers only read Tsunade and only during the !#$ slap competition, and after words the Jutsu was negated, giving the Illusion that Shino slapped the wrong Ho. However both Shino and NAruto saw threw this clever plan and punished Kakashi and Sasuke with the Pimp Power Clause 5, anythime a Non-pimp meddles in Pimp Business without another Pimps consent, the Pimps involved in the meddling will be given the power to banish the meddler to a nightmare world of their choosing. Here are the nighmares given to each person.

Kakashi's punishment

Kakashi stood in a large cave, wondering what was going on, but decided it wasn't so bad since he had his Icha Icha paradise. When he reached into his pocket to pull it out however, it was gone. He looked around franticly for it, until he saw it. He ran after it, but a claw from a cave behind it pulled it in. Kakashi ran in only to see every last copy of Icha Icha paradise in a pit, being burned to ashes by Gai. Gai laughed maniacly as Kakashi wept on the ground for the entire week he was locked in the nightmare, forced to watch his beloved books burn over and over agian.

Sasuke's Punsihment.

He was locked in a chair. There was nothing else in the area, just shadow and a chair. He didn't see what was so bad since there wasn't any... nevermind. They were here. The Fangirls.

"Oh god Its Sasuke!" screemed one.

"Lets violate him!" screemed another. And hundreds of fan girls began to violate him, and the worst part to Sasuke was he thought girls were disqusting creatures that didn't deserve to be near him, and none of these fan girls were men which made it worse for him. This was his one week punishment.

And for a reminder this is your last warning that voting will be over Tuesday night. Then I will begin to write the final chapter of a Pimps Tale.


	8. End of A pimps Tale

The votes are all in and it was won bye only one vote. Before I write my final chapter I'd like to thank you all. I only started this as a side project so I could get back in the grove of writing for my New Teams story and didn't expect this many people to enjoy a pimps tale. So without any further time wasted, I give you the final Chapter of a pimps tale.

Chapter 8

"Since Kakashi and Sasuke are incapacitated at the moment," Said Asuma standing over their figures on the ground, which may I ad were both sucking their thums in the fedal position, "I'll be taking over. First vote from HamGirl."

A little Piggy walked into the stage and oinked out, "Hinata just so cute!"

"Little piggy vote for the wrong ho," Said Naruto throwing a Rasengan at Ham Girl. After the smoke cleared a little pile of Bacon was on a plate, "Anyone hungry?"

"Naruto," said Asuma, "You can kill them if you want, but you can't eat them."

"Fine, its only one review anyway," said NAruto.

"Next up is MissNaye," yawned Asuma wanting to go home.

"Tsunade and NAruto Rock!" She cried.

"Saddly you don't," said Shino, chasing her out of the ring with his bugs. Soon after they all flew back and Shino had a triumphant look on his face, at least it seems triumphant.

"I thought there was no eating the reviewers?" asked NAruto.

"Well, looks like Shino's..." Asuma was about to say disqualified when the bugs turned towards him, "not disqualified cause that rules null and void."

"In that case I'm eating the bacon," said Naruto as he began to eat the Bacon.

"Back to the contest, next to vote is Edward Sushi," said Asuma.

Edward walked out and said, "Shino's a sexy beast man, Its gotta be his ho that wins."

"You do realize it was suppose to be based on the ho, not the pimp, right?" asked Asuma.

"OF course, but who cares my vote counts," he replied smuggly.

"And soon your going to wish it didn't," smiled NAruto, "Tsunade, Attack!" and with that Tsunade decked Edward through the stone siding of the Arena.

"Could we please stop hurting the voters?" asked Asuma.

"No," replied SHino and NAruto together.

"Fine, lets just bring out thebenjamin," Asuma said slapping his head.

"The one with the big Jugs of course!" he said proudly, but his smile quickly faded as he felt a dark and cold pressence behind him.

"Your just as Bad as Jiraiya!" Tsunade screamed punching him through the siding to Join Edward.

"But the vote was for you," said Asuma.

"Do you want some of this too!" Screamed Tsunade,

"No," Asuma said, "Just do what ever you want. Lets just get The Rebel Goddess out here before I get a Migrane."

"Its got to be Tsunade, she's just so cool!" said The Rebel Goddess.

"Granny? Cool?" Laughed Naruto.

"Whats this granny business about?" said Tsunade Cracking her knuckles. Naruto simply !#$ slapped her and she shut up and calmed down.

"She didn't do anything!" screamed Sakura, who was quickly !#$ slapped by NAruto, "Sorry big Daddy."

"Isn't anyone going to hurt her too?" asked Asuma.

"Nah, we're good," replied Naruto as the Rebel Goddess left unscratched.

"Something's not right here," said Asuma rubbing his beard. And as soon as she left the ring she screamed.

"I left some bugs out there for a surprise attack," said SHino, "Its always funner when they think they'll get away safe."

"Thats twisted," Said Asuma starting to worry for himself, "Lets just bring out Mixerup then."

A man in ceromonial Garb walked up to Tsunade, "You are the Chosen one! Your Jugs have proven it!" I would tell you what happened, excpet for that it is far too grusome and this site does not have a high enough rating scale for me to put it in. So just use your Imagination.

"Thats disturmbing," mumbled Asuma, "I'd Call out Chuggles, but he couldn't make it. It seems Shino decided to pre-emptively attack him back stage, so I'll just say his vote. HInata, Wait a minute, Why did you attack someone who was voting for you to win?"

"The other bugs that hadn't been used yet felt left out so I gave them a treat to make them feel better."

"I'm just going to not talk to you now," said Asuma, "Lets call out The Hansome Blue beast then."

A guy came out who looked exactly like Gai, but with blue spandex entered, "Lets go for Hinata!" he said striking a Nice Guy pose. What came after that would be none in history as the most brutal beat down of a reader in history. Even worse than the one I couldn't write earlier. Even Asume helped with this one.

"Now lets bring out Gaurdian of Atlantis," he said quite proud of the beating he was involved in.

"Hinata! And if this thing is rigged your going down clown!" he said waving a menacing finger at the Pimps.

"Did he just tell us what we couldn't do?" asked NAruto raising an Eyebrow.

"Indeed," replied Shino as he and NAruto closed in on the Gaurdina of Atlantis.

"Hey, I wasn't serious," he said waving his hands and backing away. However he fell into a pit trap full of rusty needles.

"Hope you like tetnis," Laughed NAruto. Shino only glared down through his sunglasses ads they walked back.

"Thats just plain cruel, wish I though of it," said Asuma, "Anyway lets bring out Leah095."

"Hey, lets go for Hinata. I kinda feel sorry for her though. On another note Sakura Deserved that !#$ slap," said Leah095 happily.

"Are you saying my Ho's deserve this?" asked Naruto with a glare, "is Sakura here just to amuse you by being punished?"

"Um... I didn't mean," she said Backing off, only to back into Shino.

"And why do you feel sorry for her?" he glared, "Am I a bad pimp?"

"No, I... Um..."

"I'll give you the honor Shino," NAruto smiled as Shino reared up his hand and backhanded with such force it was the easily the greatest and most powerful Pimp Slap the world had ever seen.

"Oh yeah!" yelled Sakura in delight as Naruto walked up and !#$ slapped her.

"Keep it down," he said cooly.

"Sorry big Daddy," Sakura said dropping her head.

"Before this gets any more pahtetic lets get our final voter, the Shadow Kitsune," Asuma said.

"I've gotta go with Naruto's team on this one. However I'll tell you Shino's smack talk rocks man!" he proclaimed.

"Too bad your just like yo dad," said Shino.

"Whats that mean?" asked Shadow.

"Horrible taste in women, just look at your mom" replied Shino.

"Let me guess, you know because you were with here last night?" asked Shadow thinking he won.

"I would of been if it wasn't for the fact she's a man," Shino replied, and Shadow ran from the arena Crying.

"Thats just low man," said Asuma, "Anyway, heres the final tally. Six votes Hinata, Five Votes Tsunade. Shino is now the official Pimp of Kohona."

"You know the rules Uzamaki, your Ho's become my Ho's," Shino said.

"Fine, you win Aburame," sneered Naruto.

"Yes! I won't have to be !#$ slapped like that anymore!" cried Sakura happily.

"Except Sakura, you can keep her," replied Shino and Sakura only gazed at Shino in anger.

Naruto walked over to Sakura and gave here one more !#$ slap, "Don't ever disrespect me or any other pimp like that, got it?"

Sakura only replied, "Sorry Big daddy."

Thank you all for reviewing my story, and thank you Rebel Goddess for giving me a chance to go into some kind of record book of stupid things. I also would like to let you know I had much fun destroying the voters. Please leave your final Opinions of a Pimps tale, and again thanks so much for all the Reviews. This concludes A pimps tale.


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